haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
The adults are the big ones right?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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