you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
