Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
