i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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