I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
