i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
