did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
