i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
