I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
