I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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