oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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