I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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