Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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