in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
