I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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