how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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