If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
