apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
