Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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