hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
She made me pour olive oil on her.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
