Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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