Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
