it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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