the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
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