My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
