Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
