those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
