new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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