it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
