Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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