yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
