He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
