you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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