a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Your penis caused this!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
