im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I pour the whiskey from now on
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
