Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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