from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
