She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
