What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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