I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
