I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize