i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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