Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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