I wish I only lived at night.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I have aggressive nipples.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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