What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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