I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
