My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
