youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
