Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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