I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
