I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
