So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
