you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
