could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
