Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize