Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
