I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
