She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
