i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
