It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
