is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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