From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
