DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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