you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
vagina is talking i cant
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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