dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize