His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
